Confucius' Curse

While unpacking her suitcase Agatha became aware of a tingling sensation on the back of her head. Rather unpleasant, like an excessively hot hairdryer operating too close to her scalp, but without the heat. She turned around and saw Mi-Jin sitting on the bed, her eyes fixed on Agatha, grinning at her. The grin was probably not connected to her unpacking nor was it meant to be condescending or judgmental. It seemed to be Mi-Jin's default facial expression when being with Agatha. The smile had become even more pronounced when it turned out that on the second part of their journey they were sharing a hotel room. Agatha went back to stowing her t-shirts and forced herself not to scratch the spot on her head that was tickled by Mi-Jin's gaze. There was no harm in looking. Why should it irritate her?
After all, Mi-Jin had been nothing but nice. And the reason Fan Rong, their acquaintance in Shanghai, had booked just one room for them was so they could save some money. It all made perfect sense. And Mi-Jin was a very nice person who had not done anything to harm Agatha.
Nothing except for following her everywhere she went. Even beyond Korean borders. And she had this Asian expectation that everything must be done together. No problem, except that she copied everything Agatha did, buying the same clothes, using the same expressions, eating the same---for God's sake, she had stopped eating rice! All Asians eat rice!
'Who would have thought my little remark on how bland it is would make such an impression', Agatha thought to herself. 'She's going to starve and it will be my fault.'
"What do you want to do tonight?" she asked Mi-Jin to break the silence.
"Well……I'm ok anything. What do you want to do?"
Why does this answer not surprise me, Agatha thought. "I'll go for a walk later" she said.
"Ah yes, that's great idea".
Agatha could hear the smile in Mi-Jin 's voice. She did not need to look. 'She's always staring at me' she thought, unconsciously adding it to the list of crimes Mi-Jin had committed. Becoming aware of it she felt petty and childish. She closed her suitcase straightened herself and stared at the wall for a moment reflecting on her situation.
There was nothing wrong that she could point to. She was on holiday after an arduous period of tree months in Korea, producing a short movie about Korean country life in the 1930s. Now she was in Shanghai on holiday after having spent two weeks in Thailand, where life was fun and cheap. And Mi-Jin, who had also worked very hard, had decided to come along since their business trip to China had been canceled. The plan had been for the three of them, producer, director and their translator, to go to China to promote the movie. The 'China-for-the-movie' part had fallen through, but the 'all three-of-them-going' part had somehow found its way into Agatha‘s private vacation plans.
That was bugging Agatha and she started acknowledging it. She was irritable and unhappy because she had hoped for some real vacation. Vacation from the movie. Time away from her colleagues. A break from Korean prudishness. Vacation from having to explain everything that didn't conform to the Korean way 10 times and being antagonized anyway. Relief from the permanent staring, leering, laughing at her. Vacation from the celibacy an unmarried woman was forced into if she wanted to keep her job. Unless of course she wanted to fuck one of her invariably unhappily married midlife-crisis stricken superiors. But she'd probably never get that desperate....
Maybe it wasn't that bad. Mi-Jin was certainly not as stuck up as most other Koreans. She was quite liberal. But still, there was something paralyzing about her presence. What exactly was it?
And on top of it their colleague Adam had pointed out that Mi-Jin was spending all her money on this trip just to be with Agatha.
"She is 30" Agatha had replied. "How she spends her money is her decision. I didn't tell her to come." And she certainly hadn't.
"But you know that's what's happening a! She really likes you for some reason. It is your moral responsibility to help her out. And she's making less money than you." Right.
That's the Korean way, pay for your "juniors". But Agatha wasn't Korean and nobody had paid for her when she was a "junior". And she did not abuse her juniors the way Koreans did, so there was no karmic debt to pay. And she hated being guilt tripped like that.
If he was so worried about Mi-Jin, why didn't he pay for her?
The air in the hotel room suddenly seemed dry and oppressive. She had to get out. She grabbed her coat, said, "I'm ready"
and left the room. Mi-Jin caught up with her at the elevator just as it arrived. Agatha stepped in after Mi-Jin, pressed the button for the lobby and made a heroic effort not to hate her.

Mi-Jin was following Agatha through the strange streets of Shanghai. For Mi-Jin this time was like a perpetual dream. This American woman who had come into her life had changed everything. She was powerful and strong and always had a different opinion from Adam, the other
American. And a lot of times he, the man, would admit that the woman was right! And now they were together in this great adventure in these exotic countries and Agatha was so smart and knew so many things and had all these very exciting friends! Writers, rock-stars, artists! Mi-Jin had never even thought of the things they talked about! Art and music and philosophy and even---sex!
She had been a bit shocked at first, but she had managed herself well. And with Agatha and her friends life was never boring, there was always something going on. Although she most enjoyed just spending time with Agatha, listening to her opinions about things. She could learn so much from her. About beauty and art and movies---
Suddenly she realized that Agatha had disappeared.
Mi-Jin stopped and looked down the foreign road, hoping to catch sight of her friend. But there were only strangers as far as she could see.
Agatha always walked so fast, she should have taken better care to keep up with her. She wasn’t used to walking yet, but she would start walking more and be as fast as Agatha. But where was she now? She felt her eyes becoming dry and hot. She fought the tears, but felt very helpless and very frightened. What was she to do now? She didn't even remember how to get back to the hotel, she had just always followed Agatha. And she was scared of taking a cab by herself. The pressure behind her eyes was getting more intense and her vision began to blur.

Agatha stood at the corner and waited for Mi-Jin to spot her and hurry along. But somehow Mi-Jin didn't look her way. Agatha realized that Mi-Jin seemed to be looking for her on the other side of the street and not finding her seemed close to tears.
"Maybe I should just leave her there" she thought, and a feeling of guilty gratification wanted to take a hold of her. 'What a childish impulse', she told herself. Resisting it she went back to the corner where Mi-Jin was standing. She drew a deep breath as she approached. "Mi-Jin" she said and as Mi-Jin turned towards the origin of the sound the corners of her mouth began to move upward into a grin of relief, the smile of a child who had been the last child to be picked up from kindergarten and who had thought itself abandoned but whose mother had finally come.

It had started three months before. Agatha hadn't known it then, but she should have prevented the situation from ever progressing this far in the very early stages of their relationship. They had needed a translator. Mi-Jin had been recommended by a friend and although her English was not that great she was really nice, (so nice!) and dedicated and willing to work for little money.
I the following weeks they had spent many hours together. Every day. Working to get the movie done, the movie about this Korean boy, in Korea. With a minimal budget. Mi-Jin had been doing all kinds of secretarial duties since she was the only one who could speak the language. It had been frustrating, because she had no idea about production. She probably made mistakes all the time. But she diligently listened to Agatha who tried her best to explain the process to her, filmmaking 010 for the little Korean English major. When there were arguments, and there were plenty, Mi-Jin was usually on Agatha ‘s side. Unless an older man with Korean power was present. Then she ‘d be noncommittal.
But it had not been until now that Agatha had realized that she never actually reflected on what she agreed to do. When making movies Agatha was sure she was right and it was good of Mi-Jin to agree. But what did Agatha know about what Mi-Jin wanted to eat for dinner? Or where she wanted to go? And why should she care?

Feeling a need to document her surroundings Agatha decided to take pictures of housing blocks with laundry hanging out the windows. There wasn't much really picturesque material in their area, but she figured if she had an impressive amount of housing blocks together they might make an impressive animation sequence. She had tried to go by herself, but Mi-Jin had decided that it was "great idea" and was tagging along. And, yes, she was taking pictures of the very same housing blocks. 'She doesn't even know what I'm doing, what I have in mind. She's wasting her film on these ugly housing blocks' Agatha thought. She was testing this theory by pretending to take pictures of absolutely nothing special. And, yes, Mi-Jin faithfully took pictures from the same angles. What could she be thinking? Agatha felt depressed.

First she thought she was just overreacting. But when they were visiting an old friend of Agatha's in Bangkok she realized it wasn't just her.
“‘It is just amazing how she absolutely trusts you! '" Momoko had said in amazement when Mi-Jin was in the dressing room.
“Yes. One day she‘ll wake up and suddenly hate me” Agatha had replied and secretly wished it would happen sooner rather then later. Like the next day or so.
"And she just bought the same pants that you bought. Same color, too. You are a real trendsetter." "Right" Agatha had said monotonously.
"Are you sure she ‘s not in love with you?”
“Pretty sure.”““ That ‘s so weird----she always does what you say. Are all Koreans like that?”
Agatha had glanced down the isle to keep an eye on the dressing rooms. "You know she ‘s actually pretty brave and cosmopolitan as far as Korean women go “
Turning back towards Momoko who had stared at her incredulously Agatha had felt obliged to add’‘ Confucian society. Can ‘t really recommend it for women”
"How can you live there? You are always kind of want to do your own thing person. Is it ok for you? I'm Japanese so it's probably easier for me, but still she really makes me nervous."
"At least she speaks English..... and she's here, I don't think there is anything I can do at this point." Out of the corner of her eye she saw Mi-Jin approaching them.
"I don't know what to do with her, but I really wish I could have some time with you alone. But it's ok."
She turned around to end the conversation before Mi-Jin was close enough to hear them.

And now they were in Shanghai and they were sharing a room. Agatha lay awake and listened to the sounds from the bathroom. After 10 minutes she got up and turned on the TV. After another 10 minutes she turned it off. She started jumping up and down talking to herself. After 10 minutes of that she turned on the TV again, loud. Zapped through the channels. Turned it off. She started playing with the light switches and it happened that she turned off the bathroom light. She turned it back on.’‘ Sorry” she said. A strange embarrassed giggle answered. She looked at her watch. Mi-Jin had been in there for 40 minutes already.
“Impossible” Agatha murmured.
The sounds were repetitive. The first time she heard the rhythmic scrubbing sound (swee-hra, swee-hra, swee-hra) she hadn‘t thought much of it. It was followed by a lots-of 'd0water- running sound. Then there was the second round of scrubbing. Followed by the water gushing sound. The third round (swee-hra, swee-hra- wooshhhhh) had seemed interminable. She had to be up to round 7 by now. Agatha started murmuring to herself again. Not too quietly.’‘ Incredible----spends hours----hours----why--- “
The bathroom door opened and Mi-Jin came out, clad in a pink nightgown with a teddy bear or something on it. It was very clean and looked new. And it looked like it should be worn by a two-year old. Except for its size.
“Do you always spend this much time in the bathroom?” Agatha asked.
“Ah no. But I have some problem with my skin” Mi-Jin said and looked like she was about to cry She exposed a slight rash near her armpit that looked to Agatha like carpet burn.
“But you don ‘t think your problems have anything to do with scrubbing for hours with Shanghai tab water?”
She looked surprised’‘ well. But I want to make it clean. We usually do rubbing”
Agatha got very irritated now.
“We. Who is we?” “We Koreans.”
“This isn‘t Korea and I think the water in China is very bad. Especially for Koreans”
“Oh” Mi-Jin's grin seemed void of meaning. Agatha turned off the light. “Good night”
“Good night” a friendly innocent high-pitched voice replied.

Adam arrived the next day. Agatha couldn't help herself feeling a sense of bitterness now that everybody from the office had finally joined her vacation.... And he wasn't even Asian and they had been acquainted long enough for him to know better than to follow her. But it really didn't make a difference at this point. That evening when Mi-Jin was sleeping she met Adam in the hotel cafe. And of course he was reproachful about her not being bossy all the time with Mi-Jin.
"You should be nicer to her, why are you always so aggressive? She likes you so much and she'd do anything for you."
She took a sip of tea.
“You don ‘t have to share a room with her” she said.
“Well, you are on vacation together and she can't afford her own room. What's so horrible about sharing?” said Adam.
Agatha wanted to punch him.
“Why do I have to share a room with somebody who followed me on my vacation?”
" She likes you and she's poor. If you want your own room you should help her out.”
Agatha stared at him for a moment. "I will,” she said as she noisily got up and left the table.


There was no more doubt at this point that she had been severely mistaken about Mi-Jin. She had thought that Mi-Jin had some sense and chose to stick by her own opinion and dared to differ from the group. A Korean woman trying to be an individual who deserved her support. But the fact was, Mi-Jin had simply found herself a new group. A group of two. A group who’s other member was Agatha. Koreans function in groups. And older groups rule younger groups. When there were Korean men or older people present Mi-Jin was quiet and polite.
When they were with people younger than them Mi-Jin suddenly became audacious. Suddenly she volunteered all kinds of information: “we don ‘t like this”, “ we like”, “we do” and Agatha had the horrifying realization that she was included in the “we”.
Like with Fan Rong, the Chinese girl, who had taken them to dinner. She was just one year younger than Mi-Jin and, in Agatha's opinion, lightyears ahead of her.
“But we don ‘t like rice” Mi-Jin had said with a strange pride.
“Well, I ‘d love to try some chicken rice" Agatha had smiled at their young host, who had suddenly looked quite concerned.
“Oh” Mi-Jin's face had kept the smile. It seemed like the smile never went away. But on this occasion she couldn't justify it and it obviously worried her.
“Ah, maybe I can have some rice also” she said a bit hesitantly. And her smiling became more assured, because she felt she had now said the right thing. She was a good person after all and doing the right thing to please people made her happy.

“Ah, Fan Rong is SO CUTE. She is SO YOUNG!” Mi-Jin said cheerfully, when two of them had tea at a cafe.
“She is just one year younger than you and she is very responsible and mature for her age. She carries a lot of responsibility. Don ‘t be mistaken by her looks.”
“Oh, but I feel she is so much younger than me.”
Agatha looked at her acutely.
“I noticed that you think so. Be careful not to be condescending. Especially since you are not paying for her. She's been paying for you.”
Mi-Jin's grin again slipped a bit.
Agatha felt a twinge of conscience. “You didn‘t do anything wrong. I ‘m just pointing things out”.
Mi-Jin went on to clarify.
“It ‘s just when she speaks Chinese she is so cute!”
Agatha couldn't help but raise her head again warningly, this conversation was agonizing. Why did this woman think she understood Agatha? Why did she think they had anything in common? Why did she think they would agree?
She said slowly “That's probably because you don ‘t understand what is being said.”
The warning was lost upon Mi-Jin who added:
“And when you speak German with your friend on the telephone you also sound so cute!”
Cute? Did this Korean imbecile just call her cute?
“I do?” she said dangerously and sat a bit taller, looking Mi-Jin in the eye.
Mi-Jin was happy to elaborate “Yes, your voice sounds much more friendly and sweet when you speak with her than when you speak English” Mi-Jin smiled, obviously proud to have picked up such an important psychological detail about Agatha.
Agatha sat very upright now. She annunciated her words very slowly and clearly:
“My voice sounds friendlier when I speak to my friend in German, because I speak to somebody I like”
Agatha finished this sentence and looking straight at Mi-Jin shaped her lips into a broad grin, mirroring Mi-Jin ‘s grin that was now finally threatening to derail. Agatha got up and paid their bill.

Mi-Jin was a bit confused. It seemed like Agatha was very tired and impatient. More so than before the trip. That was what she said at least, that she was tired. And that was the reason she needed to have her own room. Mi-Jin couldn‘t quite understand how that would help and she was a bit scared to be in a hotel room by herself. But it was so nice of Agatha to pay the difference, she knew the Korean way, she knew to pay for her juniors. Poor Agatha.
She would find some way to make Agatha feel better.
She would do whatever Agatha wanted to do. And she would be there for her and support her. And maybe she could give her a little present or something, because she was paying quite a lot for Mi-Jin. That was a good idea. Mi-Jin felt happy and reassured as she followed Agatha back to the hotel. Things would be fine.

Agatha had already started crossing the street when she saw the car coming and retracted. But by the time Mi-Jin, as always a step behind Agatha, realized that they were moving backwards the car had already seized her. The impact threw her 10 feet into the air and her lungs exploded. It wasn‘t a pretty sight.